I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
