Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
