I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
