he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
