I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
