My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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