I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
