My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
