Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize