Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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