So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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