so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Pants are for mortals
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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