and my herpes radar will keep us safe
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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