Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Duck Duck Cougar?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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