can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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