Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
