Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
