just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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