Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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