Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
