Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He felt like a one man threesome
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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