He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
