So drunk its hurt
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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