I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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