By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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