What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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