The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
