My Higher Power is John Stamos
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Bring me that man meat
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
