Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
