so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
