Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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