ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
