And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
