sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
