Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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