Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
