I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
