I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
