Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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