my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
