So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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