i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
