PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
This girl is more easily done than said...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
