he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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