I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
