she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
