so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
