dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
