you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
either way he was missing a nipple.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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