i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
