I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
