Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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