I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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